


the day you went away

by AmyDancepantsPeralta



Series: without you, I'm nothing (one shot tumblr prompts) [11]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy Santiago Loves Jake Peralta, F/M, a little angsty, based on a tumblr prompt, set after Greg and Larry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25970536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyDancepantsPeralta/pseuds/AmyDancepantsPeralta
Summary: And now she sits in this too-empty apartment, staring at Jake’s spare toothbrush as it rests next to hers in the glass by the basin; watching the bubbles as they disintegrate against her skin and trying to pinch her thigh hard enough to wake up from this nightmare before it can even begin.(aka - Amy, and the night Jake goes into Witsec.)
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Series: without you, I'm nothing (one shot tumblr prompts) [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1405318
Comments: 10
Kudos: 60





	the day you went away

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Here's a short little something that got rewritten too many times before turning into this. I sincerely hope you enjoy - the prompts given to me were 'They can't hurt you anymore' and 'Please don't go'. 🥺

**the day you went away**

The burning wick of one of Amy’s favourite candles crackles softly from its position perched along the end of her bathtub, the familiar scent of fig and papaya mixing with the peppery hints of her red wine as she slowly tips the glass towards her mouth. 

She watches as the shadows from the flame dance across the bathroom tiles, the corners of the room leading to nonsensical shapes that remind her of a time long since past; of nights where she and her brothers would steal their father’s torch for shadow puppet theatre, giggling from the bottom of their bellies as the night stretched on and the acts increased in absurdity.A sense of nostalgia looms over her now - an unfamiliar urge for days to return to such sweet moments of simplicity - and Amy closes her eyes as she takes another sip, choosing instead to focus on the gentle burn of the tannins as she swallows.

If she tries hard enough, she can feel Jake’s hand on her knee, tracing meaningless patterns with the tips of his fingers the way he always does.

The way he always used to do _._

He’d left this evening, in a flurry of tears and protests; gripping her hand in his _so.tightly._ that both had turned pale, refusing to let go until the very last second.It was hard to pick which part hurt the most - that he’d gone to start a life somewhere she’ll never know, or that he’s gone to start it without _her_ \- but in all reality both paled in comparison to the very stark possibility that Jake may simply never come back. 

_They can’t hurt you anymore._

It was a prominent memory playing on a loop in her mind, after everyone had been whisked out of Shaw’s and ushered into a nearby safe house, fielding phone calls and arguing options until it became horrifyingly clear what Jake and Holt needed to do.She didn’t mention it - didn’t dare bring her thoughts to life by speaking them out loud - but the recollections of her experience with the witsec program years ago simply refused to go away. 

It had been the first (and last) case she’d handled as a detective at the six-four before her transfer: a mob-related string of felonies that, after one informant’s incredible testimony, had landed three of the more prominent members of a crime family in jail.Repeated death threats had led the informant and his family into witsec; and for the first six months of her time at the nine-nine, whenever she checked in on their case, everything seemed to have turned out for the better. 

And then, the inexplicably early release of one of the prisoners, and an act of retribution that had happened before anybody could even send out a warning.A post-it on Amy’s desk with the number of their handler scrawled across the top, and a family that will never be the same.

None of the squad really knew why she’d left early that day (even after six months, Amy was still trying to find her feet amongst the team), but the last few words she said to the victims before they’d left had come racing back to her like a punch to the stomach, and tonight they had made their silent return.

_They can’t hurt you anymore._

It was naive - the kind of rookie statement that one makes when their heart is so full of hope that anything else seems impossible, and in the end it was so very wrong.She knows better to do so now (a lesson learned once is a lesson hard to forget), but tonight the love of her life is hiding someplace she’ll never know; and in a world full of sudden uncertainties Amy swears - with these bath tiles as her witness - that she will not stop fighting to take down Figgis until Jake is finally home. 

She shifts, the water lapping gently against her skin, and the last few drops of the wine trickle slowly down her throat.The porcelain feels cold against her back - this bathtub, once perfectly suited for one, now too big without Jake to lean against - the room too quiet, her skin too untouched by the only one who knew how to draw out the sadness and replace it with laughter. 

_Please don’t go._

Amy never thought she’d be the kind of woman to beg a man to stay - independence has always been key in every relationship, and this one was no different - but she supposes that what’s happens when a passing crush turns into love, or as far as she and Jake were concerned, something even greater.Something so deep and undeniable that it changes the very portrait of what one would have imagined their life to be, and she was watching it all fall apart in front of her eyes.Suddenly it was all she _could_ say, the only words that her heart would let her mouth form when Jake had pulled her into a seperate room, desperate for some privacy before the witsec team could come to rip them apart. 

_Please.Don’t go._

She had found herself unable to control the shake in her voice, felt the sting of her mascara as it mixed with her tears, tasted the salt on her lips as the streaks ran down her face.Her racing mind cursed the existence of Figgis, of Bob Annderson and Ryan Whelan and all the reasons why they couldn’t just run away from it all, every. single. reason. why Amy had to stay and Jake had to go. 

(Holt had called them _rationalisations_ \- had made the very same argument to a disbelieving Kevin - but as far as Amy was concerned, the world had stopped feeling rational the moment Jake had hung up the phone, turning towards her with a face as pale as a ghost.)

Jake had kissed her one last time before leaving; the kind of kiss that makes shivers run down your spine and curls your toes inward … the kind of kiss you give somebody when you simply cannot imagine not being able to kiss them ever again.He’d told her he loved her, that he was terrified to do this without her; that she was his home, and he would be back.And without hesitation, Amy believed him, even when the heartbreak was so clear in his eyes. 

But then the door to the safe house clicked shut behind their departing figures, and the hollow feeling was too strong to deny. 

And now she sits in this too-empty apartment, staring at Jake’s spare toothbrush as it rests next to hers in the glass by the basin; watching the bubbles as they disintegrate against her skin and trying to pinch her thigh hard enough to wake up from this nightmare before it can even begin. 

Through the wall she hears the heavy stomps of her neighbours boots as they pass through the hallway, their chatter loud and animated (and a little TOO loud, given the time), a projection of joy that feels far too out of place in her world right now, _because_ _how could anybody possibly be happy right now, when the man she loves So Much has had to walk away?_

Tears begin to fall down her face again, ones that Amy doesn’t bother to conceal, letting them fall into the cooling bathwater around her.She knows she should sleep - it is far too late for her morning alarm to feel anything other than brutal - but the thought of waking up in her bed alone, just after getting back to normality post-Texas, was too painful to consider. 

In the morning, the sky will seem too blue; the city unfairly vibrant, the sun traitorously bright - andAmy will swear that she sees Jake’s face in every crowd.The bullpen will whisper, the sudden unexplained disappearance of two members of the force hard to ignore and after she meets their new captain Amy will open up a brand new binder, give it a nondescript title page, and begin her hunt for Figgis. 

As the weeks roll on she will try not to focus on the fact that there should be boxes with his name on it scattered through her (their) living room, shoe racks half constructed for the entryway and a thoroughly itemised schedule typed and laminated, ready for Moving Day.Instead she will plan for their future, update and amend her life calendar to allow for the infinite unknown, and dream of days to come where ruffled hair and corny jokes will fill her mornings once again. 

But for tonight, the world is on pause - for surely it has changed too much for it to continue as it were.Tonight, Amy is a grieving girlfriend needing to mourn for all that could have been, a role she’s never imagined playing but has already settled under her skin without introduction, the heaviness of her heart weighing her down as she lets out a shuddering sigh.

His hoodie will be tucked underneath her pillow as she sleeps, the need for rest now a priority because tomorrow her fight for their future begins.For if there’s one thing that Amy knows for certain, it is that what they have is worth striving for - and one way or another, the two of them will be together again. 

(In the end it will take a bullet, a hotdog, and an uncharacteristic defiance of superiority before her world shifts back on its proper axis; but it brings Jake and Holt home, and how could that not be worth everything?)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading ♥️ please feel free to leave comments/kudos if you like, they are endlessly appreciated but never demanded.


End file.
